The Texas Tiger Chronicles

Saturday, April 01, 2006

Katie pulls a Gumble, Busta is a closet fag hag and Jesse is relevant again!

Mood: Muy bien. Thanks to reality TV. I have been happy every since Gina got kicked off America’s Next Top Model. And since Lisa got kicked off American Idol. And New York didn’t get a clock. All the women I loathe are getting their just desserts this week which means I am having the BEST WEEK EVER!

Mode: Inappropriate work attire. My shirt is so tight I can see my heart beating. If I were a female I’d probably get written up. I am wearing a vintage long-sleeved butterfly collared shirt with purple flowers. Express Men Jeans and Kenneth Cole suede loafers.

Motif: How happy are we that Jill Carroll is home and safe from the hands of foreign terrorists? And another thing, why doesn’t Naomi Campbell employee Black women? How would that early Thursday morning been different had her maid been a Black girl from Harlem?

Munchies: At work and at the newsdesk munching on a Big Nick Deluxe (well done) with an order of French fries from Big Nick’s Burger and Pizza Joint (love them!) But I wish I could be indulging in a TEXAS sized Strawberry/Mango frozen daiquiri with the extra shot.

Music: “Clouds” by Chaka Khan. Rocking. Pulsating. Thumping. Jamming. Slamming. I was walking down 72nd street and a lady rolled down her window and asked me what I was listening to because she could clearly see I was “in the moment.” This is the tile cut from my favorite offering from Ms. Khan and she wears me out all the way through. With Luther and Whitney on backing vox, the song takes you through the perils and the pain. “Clouds, go away/don’t take away my sunny day/Thunder is the warning/so dark and so alarming” Pure power, passion and pain. And the album cover artwork is SICK!




WHO ELSE IS HAVING A GOOD WEEK?….answers after the jump.

JESSE JACKSON

Thanks to the devastation of Hurrincae Katrina, the displacement of thousands of poor Blacks and the rebuilding of New Orleans as a majority Caucasian city (first time in 3 decades) Jesse Jackson is RELEVANT again and having his best week ever (well, since Terri Schiavo died).How happy was Jesse to hop on a private plane and rush down to New Orleans after dropping off his bags in 5-star hotel so he could put on a non-descript blue cotton shirt and march behind the banner of thousands of poor displaced blacks – afraid they would not be able to cast votes in New Orleans up-n-coming elections. And he got to stand next to Bill Cosby. How cool is that!

KATIE MAKIN MAJOR MOVES

PAs at Today have been order to pull clips from Katie’s 15-yr-run the morning chat fest. Perhaps a farewell special is on the way? When NBC sent Bryant Gumbel off to CBS they gave him a two-hour retrospective complete with a surprise performance by Prince (dressed as Gumbel).Prince come on dressed at Katie Couric, performing Black Sweat and immediately follow that up with a cat-clawed retrospective of Katie’s best slicefests. To see her and Ann Coulter go at it again would be HEAVEN.


BUSTA NO LIKE IT WHEN THE GAY BOYS TOUCH IT (in public)

Last Sunday, eyewitnesses in Florida say closeted rapper BUSTA Rhymes went all NAOMI on a young gay fan who tapped him on the shoulder at the 11th Street Diner in Miami, conveniently located next door to gay club Twist.

"The restaurant was packed with transvestites, gay men and drag queens, which obviously made Busta a little edgy," eyewitness Thomas Barker says.

"This became evident when a young gay guy came up behind Busta and tapped him on the shoulder to congratulate the rapper on his recent comeback. Before the guy could even mutter a word, Busta turned around and repeatedly screamed, 'Why the [bleep] you touchin' me, man? Get the [bleep] away from me' . . . his two huge bodyguards then caused an even larger scene by pushing the kid away . . . Busta quietly whispered to his bodyguards, 'I hate [bleeping] faggots, man.' " A spokeswoman for Rhymes did not return calls.

WHITNEY: THE CRACK PIPES ARE NOT RIGHT AND THEY”RE NOT OK!

I’m sure you have heard this…but not from me. The National Enquirer is airing a special report on Whitney Houston’s alleged addiction to crack. Tina Brown, 42, the sister of Mr. Tender Roni Brown tells the Enquirer that she has “done” crack with Houston on numerous occasions and even provides pictures of Houston’s Georgia home, showing a filthy bathroom with drug paraphernalia strewn about. Nancy Seltzer, Houston’s spokesperson said she has not seen the story and had no comment.

SPRING’S MUST HAVE ACCESSORY: THE RIDE-OR-DIE VULNERABLE CHICK

New hot couple: Fresh off the heels of her molestation confession and hotter-than-hell Vanity Fair cover, life just keeps getting better for Teri Hatcher who just pulled a Star Jones and nailed herself a questionable male lover aka Ryan Seacrest. And who knew Teri Hatcher’s hotter-than-hell Vanity Fair cover story complete with a chilling molestation confession would reveal her to be a vulnerable, needy older woman searching for love in the wrong places? But guess what, it’s the next big thing! Before it hits the pages of GQ, Men’s Vogue and Maxim, I am giving you privileged news. The must-have accessory for today’s man’s man is a vulnerable female. Everybody’s doing. John Legend, Tyler Perry, Ryan Seacrest, Clay Aiken, Al Reynolds, Eddie Murphy, Lil Wayne. Fresh from Bloomingdales’s and Bergdoff Goodman, women who will deny your past, pose intimately for paparazzi flicks, gaze into your disinterested eyes, have breakfast/lunch/dinner with your BESTest closest most intimate male friend and NOT say a mumbling word AND express her undying love for you in such reputable publications as Sister 2 Sister. All this for the price of your soul, dignity and authenticity. Who says the truth is important? I broke my soul into a million little pieces.

CYNTHIA McKINNEY ROCKS THE COPS ROUGH AND STUFF IN HER AFRO PUFFS

According to sources on Capitol Hill, U.S. Representative Cynthia McKinney (D-GA) punched a Capitol police officer on Wednesday afternoon after he mistakenly pursued her for failing to pass through a metal detector. An unconfirmed statement attributed to McKinney has been released on the Internet, where she allegedly claims to have been harassed by Capitol Hill Police.

"Do I have to contact the police every time I change my hairstyle? How do we account for the fact that when I wore my braids every day for 11 years, I still faced this problem, primarily from certain white police officers," the statement says.

McKinney claims the officer harassed her because she was a black female congresswoman. Which could be true. But the officer could have also stopped her out of concern for her own safety. The hairstyle is clearly a terrorist tactic.

Who could concentrate on protecting America when there is CLEARLY a war raging between the tangled entanglements of McKinney’s pompadour?

Forget Iraq. What’s going on with this new Chinese shipment of bags of Black and Kinky #34?

McKinney’s new hairdo does make the congresswoman appear to be a battered woman (dragged up and down the steps of Capitol Hill by an abusive man by her hair) OR a crack-addict who need a drug fix so bad she refused to allow her hairdresser to complete the project OR a drag queen with mad issues leaving the “strip” at 4am after a tryst in the backseat of a wagon (who had to reattach her wig in the dark).

That hairdo says EVERYTHING except BLACK FEMALE INTELLIGENT CONGRESSWOMAN. I am on the verge of writing her an email asking her to hookup with Condi’s hairstylist. Anything but what we are doing now. Anything. I think Tina Knowles could do a better job with her hair. And anytime Michelle Williams’s hair is looking better than yours, you know you ain’t doing too well sweetie.

FYI: Conservative radio host Neal Boortz said McKinney looked like a welfare drag queen. I hate him for that. But....um....isn;t he right?
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FORMER NJ GOVERNOR GET A LITTLE MORE PERSONAL

Taking a page from Lindsay Lohan, former New Jersey Gov. James McGreevey calls his upcoming memoir about life as a closeted gay politician "The Confession." Sources tell The Star-Ledger of Newark the book will include details of McGreevey's sex life and his efforts to hide his homosexuality through two marriages. McGreevey friend, state Sen. Ray Lesniak, tells the newspaper the book will also feature New Jersey politics and there are some people who don't come across well

ALLEDGED CHILD MOLESTER R.KELLY’S BROTHER RELEASES VIDEO OF HIS OWN

R. Kelly’s brother says he's not being disloyal to by alleging that his famous brother asked him to take the fall in his child-pornography case.



According to MTV News, Carey says, "I was blamed for the video, and nobody's saying anything about that because I'm a nobody," Well, that AND because you’re not sexy. But continuing…."They questioned me, and they followed me," Carey said. "I moved three or four times, but that was dumb, me not thinking they, the police, can find me. It was like I had done something wrong, a crime, urinated on a girl, and they treated me like I had actually done it. It was humiliating, it was frustrating, and it was aggravating."

On a newly released low-budget DVD (obviously not made on Windows Media Player) Carey claims Robert offered him $50,000, a record deal, and a house before dropping the bombs that the Pied Piper of R&B is really “in the closet” himself, has had multiple relations with young women and is physically abusive. But most shockingly, Carey says the whole ordeal has affected his SIX kids, who started getting teased and beaten up at school. Carey said. “It's not fair for a kid to go through that, especially if I had nothing to do with it."

“…(I)t started destroying my life, started destroying my kids' lives, when I wasn't doing anything but minding my own business.”Carey did not comment on how his own alleged drug use, infidelity, failure to pay child support and bad haircut may have also affected his children’s schooling.

While Carey’s allegations are suspicious because he has his own musical aspirations and equally low-budget CD coming out, it should be noted that he recorded with his brother on "12 Play" and toured with him for six years. He will release an album on the Internet as Killa Kel, that he claims will set the record straight. Good. It seems like he’s ready.

Posted by Texas Tiger in NYC :: 3:56 PM :: 2 Comments:

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